It’s a Long Road
I set an intention for this blog. I’m hoping to reach women and girls who are struggling with body dissatisfaction and/or disordered eating, to all the degrees these things manifest, be that life threatening, or just lowering your quality of life. I feel that yoga has brought me a long way. Through my practice I’ve found strength and clarity. But I don’t always have something to write about, because often I am struggling myself and I don’t know how to come out of it yet.
I am not a poster girl for recovery. My eating disorder still whispers in my ear, and sometimes I listen to it. Yet I feel I have something to offer. I used to feel bad, I mean really, really bad, about my body 100% of the time. It consumed my thoughts. Now I see my body as slim and strong, and I am proud of it. Lets say 60% of the time. More or less. The other 40% of the time I’m feeling insecure, not thin enough, or comparing myself to others and always coming up short.
There are times when I sit on my bed and cry because I feel fat.
Before you get disappointed in me, or tell me to go get help, take a look at the difference between then and now. It’s huge. I have my life back. Feeling good about my body a little more than half of the time is awesome. It feels good to feel good, to be able to think about other things because my body isn’t an issue that is taking up all my attention.
So I can tell you ways I got from there to here. And as I keep getting better, I can tell you what I’m doing that works. I’ve done a few things lately that gave me a step up, and I’ll be sharing them in the next post.
I know a yoga teacher who is so talented, he moves in and out of asanas like he is dancing. His energy is calm and happy. I told him I wanted to be like him, and he replied “it’s a long journey my friend”. Don’t I know it.
It’s a long road, but I’m walking it.